YOU MUST DO EVERYTHING. IT MUST BE TO PERFECTION AND YOU CAN NEVER LET THEM SEE YOU SWEAT.
That was my mantra for many years.
The problem was that I didn’t even realize that it was actually controlling me.
At my job, I was the person who worked quickly and efficiently. The one who was always ready to help others even though my own inbox was about to explode – I just stayed a little longer.
In the gym, I was the person who gave my all, several times a week – and when I didn’t, I was in the woods running like a maniac.
As a girlfriend, I did everything I could to be kind, smile and not demand too much. I always tried my best to be the fun party animal who could easily pull an all-nighter. I made sure to keep my small apartment nice and tidy.
Everything went according to the plan.
The plan to buy a house, get married, have children and live happily ever after.
It went really well – I bought a house together with my boyfriend.
Now everything had to be perfect – both in the house and in the garden.
After some time, my boyfriend asked me to marry him, and I said ‘YES’. I had my dream wedding and was a princess for a day, exactly as I had imagined for years.
Then it was time to have children.
It didn’t go as smoothly and quick as we had planned for, but after 4 years of struggle, uncertainty and pain, we became parents to the world’s most beautiful little girl.
Already 16 months later we became parents again, this time to the world’s loveliest little boy.
Well it was around this time I really began to feel the pressure on me.
It became more and more impossible to do everything perfectly.
I became more and more stressed out and sad. I was ashamed. Here I was with EVERYTHING I had ever dreamed of and then I wasn’t happy at all.
Something had to change.
Slowly I began to let go of control and just ’let it be’.
I postponed the vacuum cleaning for the day after, left the laundry in the dryer an extra day, and asked my husband for more help with the chores.
A huge breakthrough was when I discovered how much I actually need ’my own space’ – in order to recharge.
Spending time alone is definitely not first priority when you have two small children, a house and a job, but my husband and I found a solution.
Whenever it was possible, my husband took the children to the water park on Saturdays – they were away for about two hours and in that time, I could do exactly what I felt like doing (it was often to make jewelry, but that’s a completely different story………).
My husband thought it was great to have the children on his own without my interference, and I got a really needed break from all my chores.
Those Saturday mornings were worth gold to me.
I still find myself caught in the trap of perfectionism sometimes, but I have learned how to quickly escape it again.
I know I’m not perfect and I don’t have to BE perfect.
When I’m about to go in the ‘trap of perfectionism’ again, I find my ‘Perfectly Imperfect’ bangle to wear. It reminds me to let things be and let go of control a bit. It reminds me that I’m the one to make high demands of myself, not everyone else.
So how about you?
Do you allow yourself to be perfectly imperfect?
If you need to let go of control and make a little ‘space’ for yourself, then the bangle ’Perfectly Imperfect’ can be of great help to you too.
Remember, if I can, so can you.
Take care of yourself.